Do you live with intent? What does that mean, exactly? In my life, i haven’t always lived with intent. Maybe this happened to you, too. Routine. There’s nothing scarier than getting lost in routine. Rise, work, dinner, tv, sleep, and then do it all again, for… forty years??? Of course, there were weddings, and babies, careers, divorces, and mortgages. There were many happy moments, moments I appreciated, moments i would never change. But, for the most part, a lot of days were the same. Many days were filled with a lot of mindless moments. Who was that person? The one i left in charge of driving my life?

I feel like i have some authority in this area. My experience is vast. My experience with,,,sleepwalking through life. Maybe a friend explains it better than i do…

“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book, or you take a trip…and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. the second symptom, absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this, (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.” Some never awaken.” — Anais Nin

Does this resonate with you? For me, it is all too familiar. So, what do we do about this? For myself, becoming aware that i wasn’t living a life of intent was the first step. Then I had to ask myself what it was i wanted out of my life? For myself, i wanted a deeper existence. I wanted to always experience the beauty of this life. I discovered i was interested in sooo many things. I wanted to see things, experience them for the first time. An example ,looking at the river. I had passed that river every day on my way to work for 13 years. 13 years, can you feel the gravity of that? But, i never really experienced the river, until i started to live with intent. Now, when i see the river, i experience it. I like to try to engage at least three senses in everything i do. I watch the river flow to and away from me, at the same time. I see this as a beautiful metaphor for life. I try to incorporate this philosophy on as much as i can in life. Truly experiencing my surroundings and this existence. Yesterday, i saw a 102 year old woman smile, and it filled me with joy and peace. I felt it as a moment of intense beauty. As i began to live with intent and experience existence, i found myself having many more of these peak moments in life. I realized the importance of staying aware and awake. I stare at peoples faces. I look into eyes very deeply. I try to gather clues. I listen to the nuances in their voices. I inhale the night sky. I listen to the murmurs of the stars. I look up every chance i get. Now that i feel this, for lack of a better word,,,wakefulness in life,,,i am terrified not to feel it. I’m terrified not to share it with anyone reading this. These words you read are part me and part dream.

I say to you and to me…what are you going to do today, with this very moment? I think its a good question to ask ourselves. How we want to spend our lives? Our moments? Today i will listen more than i talk. i will truly listen. I will notice people’s freckles. I will look into eyes. I will notice laughs. I will look up. I will feel the earth under my feet. I will be grateful. I will hug the ones i love and tell them i love them. i will write something helpful. I will read something beautiful. Today, i will live. What will you do?

I like this line from a film, American Beauty, “It’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes i feel like I’m seeing it all at once…and its too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. and then i remember to relax, and not to try to hold on to it. and then it flows through me like rain. and i can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what i’m talking about, I’m sure. don’t worry…you will someday.”