Binging on television shows is rare for me. However, there is one I recently watched that really captured my attention. It was called The Affair. In it, one of the show’s main protagonist is Noah. The series begins with Noah having a mid life crisis that results in an affair, divorce, scandal, murder, and all of the things that sell tv. However, this one was a little different and if you aren’t a super amazing social worker like yours truly you might miss it.

There were some deep philosophical questions buried in all of the drama which I think were good ones and included, what is the measure of a man? What makes a good man?( I am substituting man for human as I consider this universally because Noah identified as male.) This question was one I saw Noah struggle with throughout the series. His affair resulted in a broken family, kids left, his wife of 25 years depressed, and new wife ultimately murdered (not by him), and he ultimately had to grapple with this quite a bit. So, one has to ask, do mistakes in life translate to I am a bad person? Personally, I think not. I think there are many factors that culminate into mistakes including history of trauma. I like to call these mistakes opportunities for growth. It took some years, but ultimately Noah did grow and learn from this series of events.

The second question is what makes a good life? Noah lived out many lives in his lifetime. He was a dad, a professor at a college, a husband, an affair partner, a prisoner, a high school teacher, an author, a restaurant owner, a grandfather, worked on a movie about his life, traveled the globe, went to therapy, and rested his body against his first wife’s tombstone as he read to her.

In social work grad school they teach us about Erikson’s stages. Erik Erikson was a psychologist who developed a theory that said each one of us goes through a series of stages in life, and he termed each stage a crisis that we attempt to solve at different times in our lives. The final stage is titled Integrity versus Despair and typically happens in our later years. It involves looking back on our lives and, in essence, judging our own life and asking, was it good or was it bad? My favorite scene from The Affair is the very last one. It shows Noah as an old man. He hikes up a hill overlooking the ocean and stands on top of hill and dances as he reflects back on this wonderful ride his life has been. He was able to solve the crisis and be okay with everything that happened in his life. If we live in despair we live with regrets and sadness over our lives. If we live with integrity, we can be like Noah and dance on a mountain top.

I think we can have some foresight about it, though. What was it we wanted to do with our lives thus far that we haven’t accomplished yet? What dreams have we not cashed in? Are these dreams sitting around like overdue library books? Do we have another dance in us? Another song in us? I think it is important we think about the direction we have gone in so far and where we want to end up? How can we get there? When I look back on my life, I want to know that I did it and be able to share my story, and say yep, I did it, I did it all and it was wonderful!