Do you sit and ponder why you can’t seem to find the “one”? I have a tried and true, guaranteed method for how you can find “the one”. Your dream guy/girl may be much closer to you than you ever dreamed, pun intended. Follow my five easy steps to finding him or her and if you’re not completely satisfied with your results, you’ll get your money back. Yes, I said money back. I’m kidding of course, but I will award you the purple heart of participation just for trying.

Step 1. Realize that you are “the one”. Yes, that’s right, you are the one. You may have spent a lot of time searching, but your search is now over. You were with you all along. You are the only person who will be with you from cradle to grave. No sense looking around for someone who is going to complete you, because you’re already whole. You are completely whole and worthy of all the love that “the one” is going to bestow on you throughout the rest of your life. Get ready, because you are getting ready to encounter more love than you ever thought possible.

Step 2. Get to know your soulmate. This will involve spending lots of time with your dream guy/girl. Go on long walks in romantic settings together. Take a bubble bath with your soulmate. Enjoy a candlelight dinner. Watch a movie. Talk to him or her, but in private lest you get yourself a clinical diagnosis. Spending time with your soulmate, and getting to know what moves them, what inspires them, what they believe, what they want/need out of life is a great way to get to know them.

Step 3. Once you have spent lots of time with your soulmate and gotten to know them very well, you will have for sure encountered their love language. Our love language is what makes us feel loved. There are generally five, and most people have a primary and secondary. The five are, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. So, ask your self, what is your love language, and whatever that is continuously provide that to you over and over. If it is words of affirmation, have a kind mantra you tell yourself, such as, “i am beautiful. I am worthy. I am loved.” If it is gifts, treat yourself to small things you like, and so on and so forth. You must be diligent to love yourself in this way, to keep the embers burning. Love is not meant to be like a firecracker, bright and sparkling, but short-lived. Love is meant to last forever.

Step 4. Once you have worked hard on Step 1, 2, and 3, and also understand that these are ongoing, it is time to take it to the next level. It is time to work really hard on the relationship. This involves reflection and introspection. This will help you increase your ability to love yourself, even the parts of you that you may see as flawed. Awareness. Awareness. Awareness. I say this a lot, because everything is about awareness, becoming self aware. Knowing when you are having problems with your relationship, and why you are having them, and what you can do about them. If you find the answer is outside of you in another person, or booze, or drugs, or compulsive buying, or sugar, it is time to go back and be with yourself. Keep working on the relationship, and this will be a life long endeavor to keep your relationship healthy, robust, and fulfilling.

Step 5. Now that you have completed steps 1–4, which, by the way may take several years, you are ready to share your soulmate with someone. You are ready to share because you now bring a whole person to the equation instead of half a person, or a person in fragmented tiny pieces, who needs a warning label, such as “may shatter easily.” When you begin your search to share your soulmate with another human, it is important to look for signs that said human has also completed the above steps. I like to ask them simply, “Are you self aware?” If you find the answer is “self aware, what’s self aware?, run! This person is not awake. You can also look for signs that they love themselves, such as they are not self-deprecating. Also, do they work on themselves? A person who is working on self will know they are working on self, and can tell you exactly how they do that. So, basically, you are looking for another person who is not looking for a soulmate. Warning, if the person you are dating tells you you’re their soulmate, run. This person has not found them-self yet.

Once you go through these five simple steps, if you find you are still looking for a soulmate, rinse, and repeat, and never discount the value of outside resources, such as talking to a therapist. However, it is important to remember that even with therapy it is a collaborative effort, and ultimately the answers lie within. I am a change agent. I believe we can change our lives for the better through hard work and a desire for change. “The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let me pull me down anymore.” Joy C. Bell.