Alexithymia- noun- difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses.

Do you feel your feelings? At 40 years old, i started therapy for the first time and had the stunning realization that i don’t always feel my feelings. I once went seven years without crying. My tears were…broken? Then, one day, i suddenly started crying while standing on a river bank. Only,,,I didn’t know why i was crying?!?! It was like my body was doing it for me.

It wasn’t until i was sitting across from the person i pay to listen to me one day, and he witnessed me making my emotions go underground that i realized the intensity of my alexithymia. He and i were talking about a very sad thing, the saddest thing, and i quickly gave he and i a verbal reassurance that it would be okay. “It will be okay.” That is my go-to for myself and others. Not only do i make my own emotions go underground, i do it with others too. He called me out on this. He said, “Hold on there, Miss Sunshine, I want you to sit there and feel that.”

Person I pay to listen to me: do you know what you feel?
me: yes, i know what i feel.
him: then tell me.
me: sad.
him: i was hoping you’d be more specific? what else do you feel?
me: crickets…

I now know how to feel my feelings. The first step is introducing myself to them. I can first feel the emotion in my body. Where does it hurt? Ask myself, what is this feeling? Why am i feeling this? Then I sit with the feeling. Hello, feeling! Nice to meet you! I practice allowing myself to feel the emotion, fully. Once i feel the emotion fully, only then do i let it go. After i feel the feeling, i let it float away, like leaves in a stream.

Think about how you’re feeling right now. Ask yourself often, “what am i feeling?” Can you make a list? One thing that has helped me feel my feelings,,,journaling. Writing about what i feel, and why i might feel as i do is very therapeutic. Also, talking it out. It’s helpful to have one or two trustworthy friends to talk to, preferably sentient beings who won’t make you push the emotion underground. Another, meditation and imaging, as mentioned above. Close your eyes, and imagine yourself sitting on a bank with your feeling. It is a nice day, the sun is shining, blue skies for miles. You can feel the breeze blowing on your skin. You’re safe, you’re warm, you’re comfortable. Now feel your feeling as hard as you can. Allow. Accept. Now gently place the feeling into the stream as though a leaf, and watch it gently glide away. Isn’t this a sweet parting for your feeling? We aren’t mad at our feelings. We welcome them, and then say goodbye to them when they no longer serve us.